cheekbones3 | (no subject)

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Current Music: Napalm Death

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Oops - I didn't mean to come straight home from the Holyrood! Ah well. Can't wait to get back there tomorrow too - am now doing the bar shifts for the next two afternoons *yawn*, although I reckon there will be one or two more tourists dropping by to keep me busy. Will be working in the Hoose on Hogmanay, so won't be going to any parties - why don't you come to that one? Kynon and Jordi will be on the decks, not to mention cute bar staff (and me :P).

I still have trust issues, but will continue to work on them tomorrow.

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will add the auld hoose to the list of places to visit
v
xx

See you there :)

> I still have trust issues, but will continue to work on them tomorrow.

Trust is always a tricky one.

It's probably not reasonable to expect that anyone can be fully trusted in any possible circumstances. Everyone has their limits. Even the most moral and strong willed person can reach the end of their endurance sometimes.

I'm not sure I can trust myself in all situations, so it would be a bit unfair to expect other people to be more reliable.

The best we can really hope for is that people do their best most of the time and, critically, that they are prepared to acknowledge when they've failed to live up to their principles. It's important to admit when one has failed, rather than trying to justify the failure or, worse, claim that a betrayal of trust was somehow deserved by the other party.

Indeed. Mind you, trusting people at more than the most basic level would be a good start! Well I'm sure I do that already, but not as much as I could.

I suppose there are a couple of points of view to look at with regards your trust of other people:

- the first one is the way you feel about it, which is something you are dealing with internally now. It's likely to be a long slow process, but at least you're making a start on it.

- the second is the way other people perceive your trust of them. Specifically, is there anyone who is offended by you showing an unreasonable level of distrust of them?

You don't appear to me to be particularly untrusting. Admittedly I wouldn't expect you to trust me at any more than a basic level since we don't know each other that well, but it doesn't look to me as if you have an unreasonable level of lack of trust towards people in general.

You have genuine reasons for specific difficulties in trusting the subcategory of people who you might consider getting into a relationship with.
You've had a bad experience with a previous partner not being prepared to let go and/or respect your boundaries, and it wouldn't be surprising if that affected your view of potential future relationships.

I think it's just more of a basic thing - I worry too much. I'm not happy letting other people get on with things - in groups I always want to be the one to do stuff because I want it done right! That sort of thing is the main thing...

Oh right.

original_aj and his Dad are both terrible with that too. I've largely trained

original_aj out of standing behind me and criticising my efforts at DIY by threatenning him with mayhem, but poor Mother-in-Law still has to put up with it every time she tries to do anything like painting.

Personally I tend to organise things rather too much, even when they don't really need organising.

I'm not sure that sort of thing is really a trust issue. It's more the sign of a mildly obsessive personality.

True, but then I thought about it all and realised that another worry is that I don't have enough faith in my friends! I let these things cloud eachother in my mind...

I suppose it partially depends on whether your lack of faith is justified.

If you're genuinely better than other people at doing certain things then the problem is not really your level of faith in them, but whether or not you have enough tact to avoid making them feel bad about doing an adequate job where you could have done an excellent one.

If, on the other hand, you always assume other people will do stuff worse than you without any evidence then you do need to work on things inside yourself.

Oh, while I think about it, here are a couple of links I found about Nichiren Shoshu Buddhism (the type I was involved in)
http://www.sgi-usa.org/buddhism/bofnd.html
http://www.tonidunlap.com/terms.htm

Thanks - I'll look at that stuff when I'm feeling calmer :O)

Advisory Note: Subject to the availability of the relevant equipment, Jordi and I will be on the decks.

If no equipment is procured, then we'll just be getting drunk and probably ending up on the deck...

so long as you don't deafen us with terrorvision or the wildhearts... is all good :)

I believe I may have a back up plan...

is there a party going on in the auld hoose then on hogmanay?

can you text an answer to me?

07715-027645

Ta!

I'm struggling to text you online (I don't have a mobile), but there is a party in the pub. Should be music with a bit of luck, so I'll hopefully see you there!

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