cheekbones3 | (no subject)

Just back from a visit to Carlisle to see

sharmaya which was very nice. We basically drank and nattered while watching the telly, not very exciting you may say, but I rather enjoyed it! Thanks for the hospitality :) Also saw both Withnail and I and High Fidelity for the first time, and they were both excellent, especially the former.

Got the Belsen Express back to Edinburgh, and am now recovering from the <i>de rigeur</i> travel-sickness, and will be off out for food soon with

bunnyphone.

Follwing a conversation the other night, I have surmised that my trust/friendship issues are due (at least in part) to my way of thinking about myself which is almost entirely selfish, i.e. I see myself as separate from other people, and naturally consider myself in isolation from the rest of the world, and when I want to interact with the rest of the world, I have to consider how I do it every time: constantly on my mind is how I greet a person, how my body language is interpreted, how in general I should be acting and reacting: nothing seems spontaneous, or at least 75% of the time that is the case. It's rare that I can really relax about myself, and my brain appears wired in a way that makes me very much solitary in any initial consideration, with social interaction an unnatural add-on. This seems at odds with

bunnyphone's view of the world which (I paraphrase) has her considering herself not usually in isolation, but as part of the lives of the people around her, and acting more naturally accordingly. Therefore, a poll: In relation to other people, do you see yourself in your mental picture as separate from your group(s) of friends, or as some sort of integral part of the machine of your social life?

[Poll #776305]

Please add further comments, as my thoughts and writing is rather garbled!

EDIT: Yes I know friendships take effort, but it's not the day-to-day effort that I'm referring to, I mean it's the mental effort to actually include people in one's plans, and to consider the effect of one's actions on other people without it happening by default.

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I would have picked the second choice there, but you seem to have mixed up 'social interaction' with 'friendships'. I find social interaction fairly natural, but find that friendships take effort. Your edit gives it more sense, though. :) I find that from the descriptions in the paragraph started 'following a conversation...' I'm definitely somewhere inbetween.

We talked briefly on my views of un-selfishness in friendships, and how this can end up, so I'm not re-hashing it here. :)

ANYWAY! It was ace seeing you this weekend. I had a lovely time. :D Thanks for coming down, and doing the washing-up. *grin*

Glad you did, and so did I! You're welcome too :)

My instinct is to imagine myself separate, and that any attempt to infiltrate this other world where people exist together is noticed and judged by others, but I know that rationally I'm more or less like everyone else - one of many.

I suppose I know that too, but it feels like everyone else is much better at this "having friends" game...

Everyone thinks that about themselves

Although I will say I find social interactions quite easy, I suppose its just my ego but I assume I have a place in everyone's lives even if its only a chance meeting for 10 minutes in a pub...its not an important place but a place none the less.

Yep I agree, but then the paranoia sets in if they don't seem as enthusiastic as they could about further socialising. I suppose they could tell me to sod off if they relaly wanted!

Yep I'm sort of like that too, but the fact that I plan all sorts of things on my own (or at least subconciously expect such things to happen), and then resent the rest of the world for existing and spoiling it all says that it can be a nuisance!

Ach, I do hate internet cafes after all. This one just lost the comment I'd previously written. I think it may have been more succinct.
It's very late to comment, but anyways.
I found this post very interesting.
The following is all a bit first person, but the implication is: Is this really a bad thing??

I think of my default setting as to be on my own, and interaction as an "add-on". (though welcome - saying that, there can be too much of it.) However, most of my closest friends are similar in this, and nearly all live on their own, and escaped the maelstrom of flatshares as soon as they were able. Helping out when people need support is very natural, but this feels entirely separate from quotidian socialising.

So far as social activity things go, I woould meet people to meet them, and to talk. Whereas trying to mix that with, say, the cinema, or a gig, I find gives an unsatisfactory and diluted version of two experiences that are each best when separate. Getting to know others who already lived this way, I became confident to do things as I preferred.

As far as I see myself in relation to friends, I am content to be like this, and having friends who are similar has surely been instrumental in that. With reference to my current (Holmes) obsessionlet, we're not quite this bad:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diogenes_Club
but would certainly see the point in such a place.

I think I just need to get used to myself: I'm never going to be the focus of groups of people, and I should get used to it!