(no subject)

[cheekbones3]

Just back from a visit to Carlisle to see sharmaya which was very nice. We basically drank and nattered while watching the telly, not very exciting you may say, but I rather enjoyed it! Thanks for the hospitality :) Also saw both Withnail and I and High Fidelity for the first time, and they were both excellent, especially the former.

Got the Belsen Express back to Edinburgh, and am now recovering from the <i>de rigeur</i> travel-sickness, and will be off out for food soon with bunnyphone.

Follwing a conversation the other night, I have surmised that my trust/friendship issues are due (at least in part) to my way of thinking about myself which is almost entirely selfish, i.e. I see myself as separate from other people, and naturally consider myself in isolation from the rest of the world, and when I want to interact with the rest of the world, I have to consider how I do it every time: constantly on my mind is how I greet a person, how my body language is interpreted, how in general I should be acting and reacting: nothing seems spontaneous, or at least 75% of the time that is the case. It's rare that I can really relax about myself, and my brain appears wired in a way that makes me very much solitary in any initial consideration, with social interaction an unnatural add-on. This seems at odds with bunnyphone's view of the world which (I paraphrase) has her considering herself not usually in isolation, but as part of the lives of the people around her, and acting more naturally accordingly. Therefore, a poll: In relation to other people, do you see yourself in your mental picture as separate from your group(s) of friends, or as some sort of integral part of the machine of your social life?

[Poll #776305]

Please add further comments, as my thoughts and writing is rather garbled!

EDIT: Yes I know friendships take effort, but it's not the day-to-day effort that I'm referring to, I mean it's the mental effort to actually include people in one's plans, and to consider the effect of one's actions on other people without it happening by default.

Comments

[cheekbones3.livejournal.com]

I suppose I know that too, but it feels like everyone else is much better at this "having friends" game...

[thewomanmeg.livejournal.com]

Everyone thinks that about themselves

Although I will say I find social interactions quite easy, I suppose its just my ego but I assume I have a place in everyone's lives even if its only a chance meeting for 10 minutes in a pub...its not an important place but a place none the less.

[cheekbones3.livejournal.com]

Yep I agree, but then the paranoia sets in if they don't seem as enthusiastic as they could about further socialising. I suppose they could tell me to sod off if they relaly wanted!