(no subject)

[cheekbones3]

I think 90% of my time has been occupied by one person since Thursday night, and by god I need out of here tonight! And most of the time, it was because it was easier than going alone and getting shit for it later. I really need a full day away! Can anyone entertain me this evening?

Comments

[lilitufire.livejournal.com]

Sounds like she's scared of being alone. Believe me, I have sympathy for that one.

It's a bitch to get over, but she has to get over it, I've been there, and know how much better I felt once I did get over it.

Even baby steps would be a start, and support from you would be helpful, but she can't rely on you. It's a strain on you, from your postings, anyway, and it's not sustainable. And in the end she'll just be in the same position.

If she feels she doesn't know folk in general, special interest groups would be a place to start. Heck, if she has an LJ, the LJ meetup is tomorrow, and a good place to get over the fear of meeting strangers. I'm not going tomorrow, but the regulars would look after her, I'm sure.

But I'm not familiar with the situation and could be way off base. If this isn't helpful, ignore me :)

[cheekbones3.livejournal.com]

Erm - I just can't think of anything that she could do - and I wouldn't mind having LJ for my own private ranting!

I'm trying my best to help her get over me, but when it's me trying to do that, it's bloody hard!

[lilitufire.livejournal.com]

In all honesty, you're probably not the best person to help her get over you. That's why her getting out and going stuff is so important, particularly as you're in the position of still living together, which is *not* ideal for moving on purposes.

She must have *some* interests, surely?

As for LJ, you can always rant on a custom friends filter, I've done enough of that in the past ;)

[cheekbones3.livejournal.com]

Indeed. As for her interests...she likes playing cards/games, animals, socialising with people she knows...erm that's all I can think of!

[lilitufire.livejournal.com]

Card games as in Magic etc?

Liam's shop holds regular tournaments, might be worth getting in touch with him?

Black Lion Games, on Causewayside (well, I think it's Causewayside at that point) - down from the Moo bar.

[cheekbones3.livejournal.com]

Just playing cards!

[lilitufire.livejournal.com]

Hmm.

As the woman with 10,000 hobbies TM, this is stumping me somewhat.

There must be clubs that cater for this kind of thing, the trick would be finding one with a suitable age group, I guess...

[cheekbones3.livejournal.com]

Maybe LJ would be a good outlet - I've always thought of it as my sanctuary, but it would be a good solution...

[lilitufire.livejournal.com]

Well, it still *can* be your santuary, you just need to be a bit canny with your custom filter groups when you feel the need to vent...

Pretty much all my stuff is friends only because I want to know who reads it, and am not interested in some people having access to my life. It works fine that way, for me, anyway.

[cheekbones3.livejournal.com]

Aye - but I'd lose another evening on my own I suppose, with meet-ups gone!

[lilitufire.livejournal.com]

Yeah,

I can see that.

It's a tricky one, to provide enough support to give her the confidence to stand on her own, without effectively stopping her from dealing because you're still there in the same way (in certain ways) as when you were going out and she's still in the same comfort zone, IYSWIM?

You do need to make sure you get sufficient space - and her being upset you're spending time elsewhere isn't necessarily a reason not to. Support her in building a new life, yes, but you have to live yours as well.

I know when I was trying to cope with learning to be alone, what *I* wanted was support and encouragement as a friend from my ex as I tried new things, tried dating, worked out how to *do* this - and boy, was I rusty, since I hadn't been single for almost 11 years! I didn't get that, unfortunately, but that's what I wanted. What I didn't want was him to spend lots of time with me, that would have been counterproductive. I just wanted to be able to pick up the phone, say "Meep! I'm scared", and have him listen.

I don't know if that's how she feels, I just know that was what *I* would have found helpful. I do think you're in a particularly difficult situation because you're still living together, and it's so much harder to get that distance.

Meh *hugs* - it's a tricky one. From both sides, I suspect. Perhaps the only way you guys will actually get separate lives is if one of you takes the initiative to live apart?

[cheekbones3.livejournal.com]

Yes I think you're right. The only way I'll move at the moment is if I get work elsewhere. I think she's too pessimistic to move.

I'll just keep trying to get her to do things...

[stormy-brow.livejournal.com]

If you don't mind, I'd like to throw in my two cents here (and please forgive me if this is terribly American of me to say):

You need to tell this woman, straight away, what your intentions are (or are not). That's the only way you're really going to be able to have her get over you.

[cheekbones3.livejournal.com]

I've told her many a time! What she needs to do is actually see an alternative to the current situation...