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Sep. 22nd, 2003 10:36 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cheekbones3I think 90% of my time has been occupied by one person since Thursday night, and by god I need out of here tonight! And most of the time, it was because it was easier than going alone and getting shit for it later. I really need a full day away! Can anyone entertain me this evening?
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Date: 2003-09-22 03:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-22 03:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-22 03:15 am (UTC)Doing a bit of active dating helped me get over this hump, but that's not a solution that works for everyone. But there must be *something* out there to get her out and about...
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Date: 2003-09-22 03:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-22 03:26 am (UTC)The net is a godsend for shy people ;)
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Date: 2003-09-22 03:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-22 03:38 am (UTC)That might help - I've had great fun being a LJ stalker ;)
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Date: 2003-09-22 03:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-22 03:06 am (UTC)So I'm indeterminate. I'd know for sure one way or the other later though. You could ping me online after work?
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Date: 2003-09-22 03:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-22 03:12 am (UTC)NP - just thought I'd offer, since you seem to be stir crazy.
Oh. And what Andrea said.
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Date: 2003-09-22 03:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-22 03:22 am (UTC)It's a bitch to get over, but she has to get over it, I've been there, and know how much better I felt once I did get over it.
Even baby steps would be a start, and support from you would be helpful, but she can't rely on you. It's a strain on you, from your postings, anyway, and it's not sustainable. And in the end she'll just be in the same position.
If she feels she doesn't know folk in general, special interest groups would be a place to start. Heck, if she has an LJ, the LJ meetup is tomorrow, and a good place to get over the fear of meeting strangers. I'm not going tomorrow, but the regulars would look after her, I'm sure.
But I'm not familiar with the situation and could be way off base. If this isn't helpful, ignore me :)
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Date: 2003-09-22 03:28 am (UTC)I'm trying my best to help her get over me, but when it's me trying to do that, it's bloody hard!
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Date: 2003-09-22 03:37 am (UTC)She must have *some* interests, surely?
As for LJ, you can always rant on a custom friends filter, I've done enough of that in the past ;)
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Date: 2003-09-22 03:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-22 03:42 am (UTC)Liam's shop holds regular tournaments, might be worth getting in touch with him?
Black Lion Games, on Causewayside (well, I think it's Causewayside at that point) - down from the Moo bar.
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Date: 2003-09-22 03:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-22 03:44 am (UTC)As the woman with 10,000 hobbies TM, this is stumping me somewhat.
There must be clubs that cater for this kind of thing, the trick would be finding one with a suitable age group, I guess...
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Date: 2003-09-22 03:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-22 03:51 am (UTC)Pretty much all my stuff is friends only because I want to know who reads it, and am not interested in some people having access to my life. It works fine that way, for me, anyway.
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Date: 2003-09-22 03:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-22 04:01 am (UTC)I can see that.
It's a tricky one, to provide enough support to give her the confidence to stand on her own, without effectively stopping her from dealing because you're still there in the same way (in certain ways) as when you were going out and she's still in the same comfort zone, IYSWIM?
You do need to make sure you get sufficient space - and her being upset you're spending time elsewhere isn't necessarily a reason not to. Support her in building a new life, yes, but you have to live yours as well.
I know when I was trying to cope with learning to be alone, what *I* wanted was support and encouragement as a friend from my ex as I tried new things, tried dating, worked out how to *do* this - and boy, was I rusty, since I hadn't been single for almost 11 years! I didn't get that, unfortunately, but that's what I wanted. What I didn't want was him to spend lots of time with me, that would have been counterproductive. I just wanted to be able to pick up the phone, say "Meep! I'm scared", and have him listen.
I don't know if that's how she feels, I just know that was what *I* would have found helpful. I do think you're in a particularly difficult situation because you're still living together, and it's so much harder to get that distance.
Meh *hugs* - it's a tricky one. From both sides, I suspect. Perhaps the only way you guys will actually get separate lives is if one of you takes the initiative to live apart?
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Date: 2003-09-22 06:06 am (UTC)I'll just keep trying to get her to do things...
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Date: 2003-09-22 04:30 am (UTC)You need to tell this woman, straight away, what your intentions are (or are not). That's the only way you're really going to be able to have her get over you.
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Date: 2003-09-22 06:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-22 03:24 am (UTC)And there's always beer!
I'm off to bed now, let me know if you wanna catch the flick.
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Date: 2003-09-22 03:28 am (UTC)no subject
too bad you're an ocean away....;)
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Date: 2003-09-22 06:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-22 05:32 am (UTC)She won't learn to cope with making friends on her own unless she has to, and, more importantly, she won't manage to get over you until you're not available to her anymore.
Ideally it would be good if you two could be friends in the long term, but at the moment, while she's still confusing friendship with a potential restarting of a relationship, it would be better for both of you to have a break from spending any time together.
Are there any friends of yours who might be prepared to call her and invite her to stuff which you're not going to? Thomas, possibly? Or
If you let me know her email address I'll invite her on the next Girls Night Out. Or, if she roleplays, we've got the girly group on Thursday nights too...
I suggest that you do keep her off LJ, though. It's a right pain having to go back through all your old posts and re-set the access level to the relevant ones (I had to do it a while back because of my stalker), and, as you say, LJ Meetups would no longer be something you could do without her.
Can't help you with tonight, but I've a vague recollection that reiki was mentioned as a possibility for sometime this month?
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Date: 2003-09-22 06:12 am (UTC)AS for people asking her out, maybe they could, although it would seem a bit false for me to prod people to do that!
Her address is bunnyphone@hotmail.com
I'm sure she'd enjoy a girlie night, as long as people spoke to her anyway!
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Date: 2003-09-22 06:51 am (UTC)I actually think the roleplaying idea isn't a bad one - it's quite girly and quite relaxed, something that a newcomer to roleplaying could cope with, for sure...
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Date: 2003-09-22 10:40 am (UTC)No, really.
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Date: 2003-09-22 01:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-23 01:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-22 10:07 am (UTC)Maybe she just needs to break away and live somewhere else if that is the case. When you work/live somewhere else you're bound to meet new people..
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Date: 2003-09-23 01:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-22 11:26 am (UTC)why dont u try come out with me tomorrow??
i need fun! and so do u by sounds of it
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Date: 2003-09-23 02:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-22 11:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-23 02:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-22 12:50 pm (UTC)I have sympathy for you because of the difficult situation that this has put you in, but at the same time I feel sorry for Lorraine [funny how no-one else here actually uses her name....] because I totally understand how she feels.
If I was brave enough, I'd talk to her about how she feels and offer her some advice as to how to get over you [it took me long enough with Ben but things do get better :)], but I think it would be wrong of me to initiate such a conversation. I mean, she probably doesn't even know that I am aware of the current situation. Perhaps you could suggest to Lorraine that I would be the type of person she might want to chat to when she feels down? I'd be more than happy for her to call me.
I dont know. I know you need somewhere to vent but seeing everyone on here talking about Lorraine like this depresses me. I guess I know her better than people here?
Dont get me wrong, I know that people here are offering advice and possible solutions in order to try and help Lorraine, but at the same time, I feel like it's a big secret Lorraine-bashing society :(
*sigh* I knew I was in a funny mood today. Sorry. I'll probably regret this comment tomorrow. *hugs* xx
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Date: 2003-09-22 01:59 pm (UTC)Surely that's just normal LJ ettiquette? If anyone doesn't know the situation already they (hopefully) won't be able to figure out who is being talked about if her name isn't used.
> I feel like it's a big secret Lorraine-bashing society
No, really, it isn't.
I've only met her twice, but she seems nice enough, and, after all, we've all been in the position of being in unrequited love at some point in our lives, so it's not hard to sympathise with the situation.
I suppose my opinion is that it would be less painful for both of them in the long run to just have a clean break and get all the heartache over with in one go rather than carry on with a situation which is clearly stressful for both of them indefinitely.
I've seen situations like this go on for years, and that's not good for anyone.
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Date: 2003-09-23 02:04 am (UTC)